I’m really bad at writing personal blogs, the ones that dive into my heart and leave me so exposed. This blog, is not like the rest.
This past month has been really hard for me, and one of the hardest of my life in a kind of hidden, unexpected way.
Toward the end of July I found out from Hospitals of Hope the last piece of information I needed to obtain to get this Bolivia mission kicked into full gear. The amount I need to raise. I was so excited. I felt like things were finally moving forward.
The crappy thing was that, at the very same time my arch enemy found out my joyous news as well, and he hated it. Vowing to make my life, and my road to Bolivia as difficult as possible.
I didn’t really realize his plan at first. I mean, we don’t hang out in the same circles.
Slowly fear and doubt began to overwhelm me and soon m motivation became non-existent.
My enemy whispered “you’ll never be able to raise the money,” and for the first time I doubted.
He whispered “you aren’t really called to Bolivia. It’s not what God want’s, it’s what you want,” and for the first time I wondered.
He whispered “The middle of September is coming up fast. You’ll never be able to leave,” and for the first time I feared.
And then came the distractions.
I’ve had nearly a month now to fundraise, but instead of sitting down and getting to it, I allowed my enemy to put distractions in my way. Convincing myself that I’ll watch some TV now, or go on the internet for just a bit and then I’ll get to my letters later. All along my enemy knew I’d never get to them. He sabotaged me and moreover, I let him. I willingly let every distraction in. Now here I sit, with one support letter written, and none mailed.
I begin to despair.
The whispers of my enemy are starting again.
But this time I’m ready. I plug my ears, but then there’s something else. A sweet voice, progressively drowning my enemy…and he’s calling my name.
He calls “Amanda, cast your cares on me. Don’t worry about money, have I not provided for you already” and my doubts were erased.
He called “I gave you a heart for Bolivia for Bolivia for a reason. I would not send you somewhere you don’t love. You are going to do great and beautiful things there. Trust your call,” and again I believed.
He called “I once raised all you needed in 10 days. Your “date” is 30 days away, much more time than I need. Don’t loose faith Amanda. You will make it,” and I cried because it was exactly what I needed to hear.
I spent the last month in hand to hand combat with my enemy, but I forgot to put my armor on. If I’d done that one simple task, this battle would have been over before it even began.
My enemy may continue on to tempt, hurt and confuse another day, but this is a battle he has lost and will continue to loose. My armor is on and I won’t be forgetting it again any time soon, but even more than that, I’m finally asking for help. I know this is a battle that I cannot win on my own.
Daddy, will you shield me from attacks by my enemy? I’m not strong enough to do it on my own. Will you reassure me of your plans for me, blocking the doubts from creeping in? Will you provide for me even when my faith is small? Daddy, your love is the greatest I will ever know. You are all I need. You are all I need.
And with that I press on, trusting in the words my heavenly father told me and knowing that with each step I take forward in faith, things for Bolivia will fall into place.
I am royalty. I have destiny. I was born for such a time as this.